today’s finally LONG BEACH PRIDE day. I’ve been looking forward to this all year, (and to LA PRIDE ) i’ve been stressed, emotional, and frustrated all week, BUT im gonna let it all go so i can enjoy myself today and celebrate my sexuality with all my friends and everyone else. I CAN NOT wait to be there and just be happy to be me and celebrate.
totally forgot that it was Friday the 13th. I did alota shopping, had a delicious vegie sushi lunch, had encounters with REALLY nice and funny people, and got some very nice compliments today. This guy from verizon literally yelled accross the mall saying ‘ay i love that girl’s swag with her hat backwards and everything. thats pretty sick with it’ LOL it made my day cause it wasn’t like he was hitting on me or anything. :) and during work i met this cute ass girl when i went to subway on my break, i swear we had this moment but of coarse i was too fuckin chicken to say anything. whatevs. ill see her around ;) ALL i can think of is PRIDE next month. IM SOOOO EXCITED i can not wait. anyways i am done. this was for whoever cares to read my personal shit.
I feel like i’m a coward. I’m a lesbian, and im out, but not completetly out. Sure, my friends know, and sometimes i tell new people i meet (sometimes), but family wise, i’m a coward. My sister, and two of my cousins know. They’re obviously supportive about it and i appreciate it. There are days i just wish i could tell my mom, or dad, or just my whole family. Even thoough alot of people tell me, it’s REALLY obvious that i am gay, or that my family probably already assumes, it still isn’t any easier to come out to them. I wish i didn’t have to come out and explain myself to anyone, i wish people just knew or wouldn’t really question it but just accept it. And it’s not that i don’t think my mom wont support me, because i know for a fact she will, but i’m just a coward to tell her. It’s weird cause in a sense, it feels like some impowerment to be gay, like i get this pride to be gay and somedays i wanna share that, openly, with my mom but i’m afraid. I’ll get the courage one day to tell my mom one day, but tell then i don’t know when that will be.
I hate when i get all flirty with someone that i used to like, cause then theyre all flirty with me back. I don’t have feelings for her anymore, but its like the lust part is STILL there. I don’t know why. Like whenever we bumped hands, she would say ‘just ask if you wanna hold my hand’ or when we went to ikea and she’s all ‘let’s pretend we’re GF’s and we’re shopping for our apartment, baby look at that couch’ haha it was funny and cute but i just giggled, like the nervous wreck that i am whenever presneted with any affection. But i love how comfortable we are eachother, that we can tease eachother, flirt, and talk to eachother while we’re in the stall doing our bussiness lol x)
Oh God, and today when i had another Her over, i was just as shy -___- i HATE how fuckin shy i get. I’m glad she didnt make it any awkward tho. I know what it is, whenever theyre more tomboyish than me, they make me feel like a bitch and i get shy. But if im more tomboyish then her, i have a little more confidence but im still just as shy :P
