she makes me happy. i think everyone can see how happy she makes me. i always have a smile with her, yea we have our little moments, but even when it gets bad, something GOOD always comes out of it. she cares about me, she believes in me, she protects me. i absolutely love the way she holds me, and when she kisses me, and when she grabs my hand, i love the way we lay in each others arms, i love how she always asks me to hold her when she sleeps, i love how she kisses me everywhere, i love her cuddles, i love how she hates spending the night without me. she makes me feel something ive never felt before. i can’t help but smile because she chose me. and at the end of the day she’s the one i smile about :) i am pretty smitten over her and i know she is too.

yup thats my girlfriend <3

how i could be on cloud nine one day, and rock bottom the next. maybe i did put too much faith into this. i can’t help but to blame myself for everything. and i don’t even know what to think. and what kills me the most is that even though its always some meaningless argument, we never seem to get past it. i wish i could just for once, get what i want. i wish for once i could get what i deserve. 

i don’t know what it is about this girl, but she’s got a crazy hold on me.
It scares me how much i really like her, it scares me how much i find myself thinking about her, it scares me how crazy she’s got me feeling. Our relationship is something else, no one will ever understand how we even happened; ‘who would have known!?’.
we’ve had our problems already, so yea we aren’t perfect, but who is? and in all honesty, im actually willing to see where we might end up. She’s not perfect, i know, and i knew that getting into it, but in the end she makes me extremely happy (after all the negativity was settled). and when i see her i know that i  make her happy because her face lights up and so does mine.
I really hope that in giving into this feeling, and slowly letting my gaurd down with her, and taking our time that this can turn into something even greater, and something worth it all. Although i am scared out of my mind to like her this much because i don’t want to get hurt, i’m willing to take my chances.

i take a giant leap of faith forward with her. we fall a few steps back for a moment, and get right back on track the next, and then BOOM 20 steps back.
is it so crazy that i still find it in my fucked up heart to put it all on the line? 
that i don’t want it to be that easy to give up?

 

i think this is why i’ve been in the bitchiest mood like EVER

I don’t get them!? One minute they’re ALL over you, then the next they’re OVER you. OR they’re all over you when they already have someone else! Yea, maybe i like you too but even tho i ‘act’ like a player, i am NOT a home wrecker. OR the ‘straight’ ones that aren’t so straight, maybe i do find you attractive and enjoy you, but honestly I DON’T want to be someone’s experiment so don’t be offended if i only want you when i want you.I’m not looking for a science project. OR how about those awkward moments when a friend hooks up with you. OR when you have a friendly relationship with a friend, and BOTH of us know it’ll happen someday but not now, why? because i don’t fucking know. OR how about when you meet someone who has been interested in you and THEY perused YOU, THEY approached YOU, THEY wanted YOU, and as soon as i give them a chance, open my eyes and let US happen, BAM they decide NOPE, out of fucking no where.

all this, is too much for me. i never know when to take someone serious. i never know when to be an ass or when to be sweet. and even when i’m sweet, thats not good enough. WHY can’t i find someone that ISNT in a relationship, that WANTS me not only for the night but for the next morning and day, that is 100% comfortable about their sexuality, that i find physically and mentally attractive, and that wants us to happen as much as i do.

i will never understand females…… 

i really just want to find someone who would want to stay up with me and talk about everything or anything or nothing at all and just listen to music that i’ve never heard before or that i have heard before, someone that makes me feel safe and happy. someone that looks past my flaws. but i guess that’s too much to ask for. cause i honestly don’t know what more else i can offer a girl….. 

I honestly don’t know what i believe in or put my faith into, but for my cousin and my family, i’m putting my faith into his recovery. I DO have strong hope that he’ll make it!
he got in a motorcycle accident where him and his bike flipped multiple times in the air going downhill. he’s scarred up, broken ribs, broken wrist, fractured leg, some of his vertebrae is broken and the worst part; his brain is severely injured and swollen.
He had emergency brain surgery, but everyone knows when it comes to the brain, it’s pretty much a 50/50 chance of survival. All we can do is wait, pray, hope, and be there to support as a family. This has got to be one of the most intense things that’s happened to my family. I hope he’ll make it through. and even if he does, who knows what brain injuries he’ll have to over come in recovery :( LOVE YOU CUZ 

totally forgot that it was Friday the 13th. I did alota shopping, had a delicious vegie sushi lunch, had encounters with REALLY nice and funny people, and got some very nice compliments today. This guy from verizon literally yelled accross the mall saying ‘ay i love that girl’s swag with her hat backwards and everything. thats pretty sick with it’ LOL it made my day cause it wasn’t like he was hitting on me or anything. :) and during work i met this cute ass girl when i went to subway on my break, i swear we had this moment but of coarse i was too fuckin chicken to say anything. whatevs. ill see her around ;) ALL i can think of is PRIDE next month. IM SOOOO EXCITED i can not wait. anyways i am done. this was for whoever cares to read my personal shit.

been so busy latley that it can be stressful and i hate when i don’t have time to workout. I can NOT wait for SUMMER, cause Spring Break is not enough break. 

Tomorrow im going to see Young the Giant in San Diego! AND my Laker vs. Celtics tickets come in! :D (its official)
Waiting on Madonna and Lady Gaga’s tickets to go on sale to buy those babies! <3 AND maybe go to Garbage and the Pretty Reckless concert.
August i turn 21! and i Plan on going to vegas :D and planning on getting my next tatts!
What else can i add to this? IDK but im so excited for these upcoming events!  

i’m so sick and in so much pain that im super depressed! my neck hurts like if a train ran it over, and my voice sounds like a 90 year old smoker. i can’t eat because my throat is so dry, ive been taking pain killers that make me feel naseous and i can’t sleep because the pain of my neck is so sharp it wakes me up. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME :(  all ive done is lay in bed all day, and i feel everytime i sleep and i feel the pain is gone i wake up and BAM the pain comes shooting back. My mom is the best tho because she’s been takin care of me and going up and down trying to help me. I love that woman. i really do. if it weren’t for her i would feel so pathetically neglected and alone….. please pain go away, youre ruining 2012 for me and my vacation :’( i’m trying to be strong but GOD DAM my strength has left my body :( i feel PATHETIC i wanna be strong again

Last year, my momma was in Guatemala but i got a Laptop along with other presents. This year, we all agreed not to get gifts because we never know what to get so it would be a waste of money, so instead we just spent the 24th and 25th together and make tamales and be a family. Honestly i only bought ONE person a gift, and that was my Best friend. I know him so well he LOVED the presents. I don’t mind not getting anything for christmas, I’m happy with my family. So for anyone whoever thinks i’m spoiled, I am most certainly not. Not going to lie though, i kinda wish i had someone to spend the holidays with.. but it’s okay, no big deal.